How to Actively Listen
YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME WHEN...
You do not care about me;
You say you understand before you know me well enough;
You have an answer for my problem before I've finished telling you what my problem is;
You cut me off before I have finished speaking;
You find me boring and don't tell me;
You feel critical of my vocabulary, grammar or accent;
You are dying to tell me something;
You tell me about your experience making mine seem unimportant;
You are communicating with someone else in the room;
You refuse my thanks by saying you haven't really done anything.
YOU ARE LISTENING TO ME WHEN...
You come quietly into my private world and let me be me;
You really try to understand me even if I’m not making much sense
You grasp my point of view even if it goes against your own sincere convictions;
You realize the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and drained;
You allow me the dignity of making my own decisions even though you think they may be wrong;
You do not take my problem from me, but allow me to deal with it in my own way;
You hold back your desire to give me good advice
You do not offer me religious solace when you sense I am not ready for it;
You give me enough room to discover for myself what is going on;
You accept my gift of gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know you have been helpful